It is not always easy for someone to control his or her anger, and the problem can often become serious enough to warrant looking about for an effective self help means to rectify the problem before it becomes more serious than it deserves to be. The number of people having anger management problems is many and if it were not for the fact that there are a number of different self help anger management techniques available, the problem would indeed have become a much more serious cause of concern than it is.

Simply Visit A Therapist For Counseling - When faced with different choices of self help anger management techniques, a very common option taken by a person suffering from anger management problems is to turn to a therapist and get counseled for his or her problem. However, a number of other alternatives are also available and one such is to read up as much literature as is available on the subject of controlling anger, and with so much literature available on the topic, it is a good starting point for every sufferer of anger management problems.

Or, if one is in need of some company and one desires to have a more sustained means of getting self help with the anger management problem, there is always the possibility of joining anger management courses that is very effective means of overcoming the problem. It offers much scope to interact with others having similar problems and thus opens up avenues to interact and learn about other people’s experiences with the same problem, and learning how others cope with the problem, will give fresh insight into your own methods of dealing with anger management problems. Furthermore, self help anger management also requires getting support and understanding from friends and family which can help bring things under control.

You may think that only adults suffer from anger management problems, but the truth is that anger is indiscriminate in who it affects and even children that normally behave very well can become its victim. A child that has hitherto not shown much sign of becoming angry can suddenly develop a problem with controlling his or her anger and would thus require help from parents to learn some self help means to cope with such a problem.

If you are a sufferer of anger management problems, there is some hope for you since there are many resources that you can tap into in order to learn self help anger management techniques. Some of the better self help means to control anger is taking to doing yoga and also meditating, which are very effective means of overcoming anger problems. You can also take to reading books and even make use of audio books on how to control anger, and this is an effective and simple self help anger management technique that anyone can use and thus overcome whatever anger related problems he or she may be having.

Marcus Jones does a keen study on life and what makes the world go round. He writes with enthusiasm of his findings and experiences. You may find more of his information at self help and anger management.

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According to the US National Committee for Quality Health Assurance, more than 11 million Americans (about 1 in 20) have major depression. Interestingly, only about half of these are still taking medication six months after being diagnosed. If these wonder drugs are so great, why do so many people stop taking them? Could it be that they are not getting the results they want or people are getting fed up with the unwanted side effects?

As no single antidepressant has been shown to be any more effective than any other, the choice of which drug to prescribe is often based on their different side effects! These often include weight gain, headaches, nausea, stomach pain, loss of libido and the list goes on.

All forms of depression affect a person’s thoughts, actions and physical health, and this is a condition that is experienced by an ever growing number in our society. Fortunately, today, more and more people are turning to other (healthier and less expensive) options to overcome depression (& other debilitating conditions), including relaxation methods, exercise, enjoying music, reading inspiring books, doing their own research to find out what works for them, counselling, and natural medicine.

The habit of taking pills to make oneself feel better - to have more energy, to relax, and to experience a general feeling of well being is now a widely accepted, daily habit / ritual in many Western countries. The downside is that the underlying condition or reason behind the need or desire for drugs does not change or get better as a result of taking pill, and of course all the unwanted side effects. However, there are alternatives, and the good news is that these options come without negative side effects, and are not habit forming!

The Physical Side
While it is true that conditions in our physical bodies sometimes need prescription drugs, (or natural alternatives) to counteract the effects of imbalance which lead to high levels of stress, organic weaknesses, painful muscles, and even disease, it is also true that there is much that we can do to help ourselves and our bodies feel and work better. Much of this is related to the way we think, the daily choices we make, and the emotions that we regularly experience.

Mental & Emotional Health
As humans it is natural to desire the good things life has to offer: vibrant health, energy, good communication with others, a great job, financial abundance, the home, the car, wonderful vacations, and of course the ideal relationship. However it is difficult to be successful and reach our goals when our mind and emotions are out of balance; when we don’t have clear goals, or a system in place to reach those goals once we clarify them.

Taking Back Control
“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”

–Walter Bagehot

The first step in gaining control of one’s life, one’s health, physical, mental and emotional, and one’s destiny is a very simple one, to make the decision to do just that! The good news is that you don’t have to do this on your own; others have trodden the same path, faced the same (or similar) challenges and triumphed; reaching goals they previously thought were only pipe dreams, and living the life they thought was only possible for others who were more privileged, clever or got the right breaks. And many of these individuals then chose to share the methods they found worked best for them, to inspire and genuinely assist others to achieve a much higher level of happiness and success in their lives on every level.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”

–Henry David Thoreau

One such person is Genevieve Dawid: international consultant and mentor to both individuals and blue chip corporations. To achieve the wonderful success that she now enjoys today though, Genevieve first had to overcome far more obstacles than the average person born with feet both the wrong way round, orphaned at birth, dyslexic (difficulties in correctly reading and interpreting written words) and dyspraxic (severe difficulty performing tasks requiring fine motor skills such as drawing or writing) and diabetic to name just a few of her challenges.

With a wonderful support system from her adoptive parents, and a true indomitable spirit and inborn highly positive approach to life and all it threw at her, instead of giving up, or resorting to drugs (by far the easier option!) with great persistence, Genevieve overcame her many challenges. Later on she also experienced harassment from some senior executives in response to her dyslexia when working as a consultant in London, the deaths of several close family members, including her own triplets, and the severe depression that followed, which she described “like being down the darkest of holes.” In spite of all this, she always “knew” there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Instead of throwing in the towel she continued to look to the future, learned how to think differently about things, and developed a unique blueprint for going beyond daily obstacles, and most importantly, attracting everything that she wanted to have in life boldly following her dreams.

Now she has the luxury lifestyle she previously only dreamed about; including the man, the car, the houses, the vacations!

If you have a desire for change, but feel you need some direction and inspiration from someone who is not only highly successful and happy, but truly empathises with your situation; someone who can point you in the right direction and provide tried and tested methods for achieving the lifestyle you really want I invite you to have a look at ‘The Achiever’s Journey,’ at www.theachieversjourney.com.

Genevieve Dawid is a published author, of the self help book The Achievers Journey. Her early life challenges of learning to cope with dyslexia led her to explore some unique ways of coping with dyslexia.

For more information on self help, dyslexia and a list of dyslexia resources visit http://www.theachieversjourney.com

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People that get angered easily may need some effective means to control themselves and may thus need to look for a proper anger management technique that will answer to their needs to control them in situations that often gets well out of hand. With people having serious instances of anger management requirements the good news is that a number of different techniques with regard to self help anger management are available to fight off this condition.

Counseling From Therapists - Among the many self help anger management techniques available is the one that requires taking counseling from therapists, and there are also very many books written on the subject to enable a person to utilize the knowledge gained by reading such literature on the subject and create their own self help anger management techniques that will work well for them.

There is also anger management courses which is a means very often used by people that wish to get more in-depth help from experts regarding controlling their anger, and it also affords those suffering from anger to interact with fellow sufferers and thus can gain valuable insights as to how self help will make them overcome such problems and so should incorporate such techniques in order to bring their anger under control. Self help also means the sufferer is able to avail of support as well as understanding from others, and in this regard family members are the persons the sufferer must need to turn to when requiring the necessary understanding and support and once given, also helps ensure that the situation is not further aggravated.

Also, anger management problems are not just confined to adults; but, can affect children as well and it is not uncommon for children that behave well to also be affected by anger that was not evident earlier. It is up to the parents to provide the child with proper guidance and should expend their energies to help in contributing to the child learning self help anger management techniques and so, overcome the behavioral problems.

It is also common for sufferers to find self help from other resources besides their parents, and taking to performing yoga as well as meditation is just one instance of how a self help anger management technique can help overcome the problem. Other methods for self help include reading up books as well as listening to audio books on the subject, and with a few more available alternatives, it is possible for the sufferer to find an ideal method of self help to help get rid of the problem of anger.

Marcus Jones does a keen study on life and what makes the world go round. He writes with enthusiasm of his findings and experiences. You may find more of his information at http://the-self-improvement-center.info

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Self help and motivation have been on the minds of professors for years. Several Authors and Teachers have joined together to bring you self help audios, motivation, that could vastly improve your life and ways of thinking.

I heard many years ago,

“We must admit we don’t know it all in order to get it all”. Accept that fact and you have started the journey.

Raising the awareness factor is part of that step. Is there a better life that your not seeing, living or believing? Asking the right questions Brings you into a better awareness.You can overcome any challenge. You don’t have to settle for things as they are. What causes you to stay in that mediocre state?

When you have problems, you change them into challenges. At that point you go to see who has the knowledge about that challenge.

You put yourself on the track to self improvement. A goal to take you from where you are to where you want to be.

As a goal, many powerful speakers have sought to bring you to a higher life standard. Hundreds of years of experience to get you there. Our world as a whole has a great need for that higher life standard. Many of us have that inner feeling of wanting to improve ourselves thru self help.

Each person reaches their own maturity of knowledge on their own to a certain point. It then has to be there decision what to do next after that.

Just as an example I have a son thats become an Eagle Scout. He Became an Eagle Scout by following a plan of action, a book, and having mentors. Those mentors and that book brought him into a better life, with self help.

It can be very easy to get buried in life’s business, stuck in the muck, so to speak, that place of mediocre living. Maybe you can relate to this feeling in life, where you need something more out of life.

Listening and reading your way to a better life is a great way to get there. There definitely are good answers out there. Are you wondering if there is more to life? Do you think beliefs create everything in your life?

100’s of years of mentoring, teaching’s are out there for the taking, you just need to make the decision to go for it. “Its not so much what happens in life that matters, its how you react to it”.

About the author Brian focused, always looking for ways to help people see their value, ability to learn and see their mind has a great capacity for it.

To get more out of your life, visit- http://www.mp3motivators.com

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Self improvement is the enrichment of the mind, character, and attitude through your own efforts and positive thinking. There is no wrong or right in this field, what is self improvement to one person may actually appear as self decline to another.

When applied properly and consistently these thought processes can transform your whole life. Most of us suffer from low self esteem and a lack self confidence from time to time. Eventually we believe that self improvement is impossible to achieve.

These thoughts have been shaped by past failures and negative experiences. Hopefully we can reach a point in our life when we are ready for change and are ready to accept information that will help us unlock our self improvement power. For many people, financial success is an important part of this process.

We begin to understand that self improvement and self growth improve the quality of life. There is no such thing as an instant fix. Upon starting any self improvement program, most people usually encounter inner resistance that come from their old habits and their subconscious mind, and also resistance and opposition from the people around them.

Self-improvement begins with self-understanding , knowing your true potential and of being aware that you are unique. Improvement can be measured in many ways, in a variety of contexts. What really does matter is how the individual sees his or her self, and what they would perceive as improvement to that self.

The popularity of self-improvement books, tapes and seminars is a reflection of the universal interest we all have in overcoming our limitations, or being the best we can be. The reason why you see so much literature on self improvement whenever you go to a bookstore is that people have forgotten the basic fact that what they are seeking is already within them, and that they already have the means within them to achieve their goals.

In pursuit of an objective, a goal, or even a dream, whether business or personal, you can increase the likelihood of success by continuously exercising your mind with positive thinking, self help and personal growth.

Find out how to achieve your goals, be happy and live your dream with Self Improvement and Self Help

By John Gatens

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Have you ever done something that you’ve immediately realised was unhelpful? Do you have habits that are bad for you? Do you feel you are your own worst enemy? Do you ask yourself “Why did I do that?” If you said yes to any of those questions, you are sabotaging yourself like so many people do. Find out more about self sabotage and how to overcome it.

I can remember when I couldn’t leave any food on my plate. My inner voice would keep nagging me until I finished everything that was put in front of me. When it was a reasonable sized meal, that was ok, but when it wasn’t I put on weight. It wasn’t until I made peace with this inner voice that I was able to control the amount of food I ate and ultimately my health.

Another area for self sabotage you may experience is in relationships. You may want to form good relationships with all sorts of people, but whenever you try to have a meaningful conversation you end up behaving inappropriately and feeling that you’ve let yourself down again.

There are many more ways you can sabotage yourself – just watch your behaviours and you will start to see them.

Why do people sabotage themselves?

One common reason is that they are driven by past conditioning. With my eating habit, my parents continually drummed into me that it was bad to leave food on my plate. Not a problem when I was younger, but I internalized that voice and it kept coming back to me when I was an adult.

Fear is also a big cause of self sabotage. You may be afraid that you are going to fail, you may even be thinking “I must not fail, I must not fail…” By focussing on failure, you ask your mind to help you achieve that failure. You may be afraid of what other people will think, you may even be afraid of success.

The fear of success is insidious – fearing the very thing you want makes it very hard to get there. But success can often mean change, leaving your comfort zone and for you that may be a terrifying prospect.

How to deal with your self sabotage

The first step is to become aware that you are sabotaging yourself. If necessary, spend a bit of time watching your behaviour, making a mental note of the times when you seem to do things that were dumb, crazy, senseless, or just unhelpful to what you were trying to achieve.

Now sit down with a piece of paper. Draw a vertical line down the middle. On the left hand side write down what it is you wanted to do. On the right hand side write down what you actually did that caused the self sabotage. Make sure you don’t make excuses or blame yourself or other people. Be objective and be honest. This is not a blame fest! Now listen to your inner voice and write down why you did the thing that caused self sabotage. You may need to close your eyes and trust the first thought that pops into your head. Trying to force this consciously can be difficult.

Congratulations! You’ve made some great progress. Resist the temptation to beat yourself up about your self sabotage – it happened, it’s in the past and it needn’t happen.

Now that you are aware of your self sabotage and what’s causing it, the next time you find yourself in a situation where it’s likely to happen, watch your thoughts, be aware of the impulse to sabotage yourself, and let pass away before you act. You may not get this right first time, but over time you will find that your self sabotage falls away, leaving you free to get on with your life!

by Kevin John

Kevin John has spent many years helping businesses owners, aspiring business owners, and private individuals to develop the understanding and skills needed to achieve the success that they want.

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Anger management arises for a number of reasons for many people at some time in their lives. It is sometimes as a result of stress that occurs due to a family or professional situation that can pass quickly. Some people however are more inclined to have more serious anger management problems.

There are various self help anger management techniques available to help combat this problem, for example by having some counseling sessions with a therapist. There are many books available on this subject and maybe this will be enough for many people to be able to control their anger.

Some people resort to anger management courses that offer more in depth help by an expert in this field, where sufferers can share their experiences with others and learn how they have overcome their problems and learn new techniques to control their anger.

It is important to remember that support and understanding is needed for helping suffers with anger management issues. Many families pass through this situation at some point in their lives due to various situations that arise. If no support is offered then very often the situation becomes worse because sometimes it is difficult for family members to understand why someone suddenly has this problem whether it is as a result of any number of reasons.

It is important to remember that anyone can suffer from anger management problems including children. Sometimes a well-behaved child suddenly shows signs of anger that were never displayed before. It is essential for parents to talk to their children and find out the reasons for this sudden change of behavior.

There can sometimes be a minor problem that the child has experienced that has led to this sudden case of anger that will pass very quickly, but sometimes a more serious event has occurred such as bullying or even a sexual assault.

These situations must be handled very carefully and may require counseling as very often children do not want to discuss what has happened to their parents and the use of a professional counselor is needed to reveal what has occurred and to offer advice to the child.

Suffers find help through a number of resources, some by using yoga and meditation, others by reading books or audio books. There are many alternatives available and it is important to seek out this help as soon as possible. Anger management self help is found in many ways and it varies from person to person as to their needs.

By John Sullivan

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Have you had a major setback in your life? Maybe you’ve lost your job, you have a serious illness, you’ve lost a loved one. When this happens, you can feel trapped by circumstances, unable to rebuild your life, not knowing what to do where to go. Here are 5 ideas to help you start climbing out of the hole you’re in and get back on your feet again.

You are NEVER alone

When you are struggling to recover from a major setback, it can seem like a very lonely place. You may think that you are alone, that this problem is completely yours, or at most shared with your life partner.

You must continually remind yourself that this is not true. There are always other people who have had and are having exactly the same experience as you, maybe they’ve got it even worse. And the vast majority of those people rebuild their lives and are now happy and successful again. How did they do it?

You can find out, actively look for stories of people who have overcome the challenges that you are facing and figure out how they did it. Make yourself receptive to new ideas – any ideas. Don’t dismiss them out of hand. The more ideas you collect, the more you are likely to find the solution you need.

Know where you are going

Yes your life is a mess now, but like everything else in this world, that is only a temporary state. The only thing you can be certain about in this world is that tomorrow it will change. That change may be beneficial for you, it may not, but you can be sure that it will change.

You can maximise your chances of making beneficial changes by knowing where you are going. Spend some time developing a clear vision of where you want to go, who you want to be and what you want to be doing in 5 year’s time. Then work out the major steps you are going to have to take to get there.

Now, as you go through each day, you can ask yourself “am I moving towards or away from my goals?” Spend as much time as you can moving towards your goals and you’ll get there – maybe even faster than you expected!

Look back from the future

Imagine yourself in your future 5 years from now. You’ve succeeded in getting back on your feet, you’re living the life of your dreams.

When you look back, how will today look to you in 5 year’s time?

Think about other times when you’ve looked back on past problems. At the time they may have seemed terrible, overwhelming, insoluble. Yet when you look back on them, they seem much smaller, just minor disruptions in your life’s journey.

Get your current problems into perspective by looking at the larger picture of your life.

Have faith

Faith is sustaining a belief that something is possible when there is no tangible evidence that it is possible. You may have faith in your god, the universe, the spiritual world or in yourself. Whatever you have faith in, you must have faith that you will overcome the setback you are experiencing, with or without the help of an all powerful being.

Faith is fundamental to success in anything you are doing. You will always be in circumstances where you cannot see exactly how something is going to work out, yet to stand any chance of success you have got to believe that it will.

You must develop and strengthen your faith in the outcome you desire day by day.

Affirmations

The most powerful way to strengthen your faith, develop the mental strength that you need to overcome your challenges and stay focussed on your goals is through the use of affirmations. Affirmations have been used since time immemorial to achieve these results.

Your affirmations should be short positive, present tense statements of what you want to be, do and have. You should link them with positive feelings and use them regularly, at least once a day. If you persist for at least 30 days, you will start to notice changes in your life that bring you closer to your desired results.

Your may be experiencing a major setback in your life, but you can overcome it. You will emerge a stronger person with more resources at your disposal. You’ve read about 5 ideas that can help you to overcome the situation you are in. Reflect on them and choose at least one. Put it into practice today and stick with it!

Download my latest e-book here http://www.achieving-your-dreams.com/resources/ecourse/postsign.php  Principles of Success. Visit my website for more resources, articles, and support materials about http://www.achieving-your-dreams.com success and personal growth

Kevin John has spent many years helping businesses owners, aspiring business owners, and private individuals to develop the understanding and skills needed to achieve the success that they want.

Find out more about http://www.achieving-your-dreams.com/articles/getart.php

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In the course of a week approximately 15 million Americans will attend some kind of self-help group. Why is this happening? Because people have discovered that talking and listening to their fellow sufferers has a soothing effect on the psyche, sometimes more so than doing the same thing in the presence of a therapist. Support groups–a rather high-falutin name for what’s usually nothing more than loosely structured gab sessions–salve psychological wounds, help destroy addictions and even extend the lives of people suffering from cancer and other physical afflictions” (Newsweek, Feb, 90).

In 1935 Bob Smith and Bill Wilson started Alcoholics Anonymous because one alcoholic talking to another had a therapeutic effect. If the meeting between those two alcoholics had not taken place there’s no telling what kind of world we’d be living in today. In Transpersonal Psychology’s stages of comprehension, we have the reactive stage, the physical stage, and the mental stage–the reactive stage being the one that all people would be in if they weren’t seeking help for their respective compulsions; therefore, consider how this world might be if all these people were placing the blame outwards for everything that happens to them, coping on just survival skills, continually talking about “me”, thinking of themselves as nothing, being controlled by the outside environment, plus the countless other things that would be restricting their recovery. How many of those people would ever become self-actualized, or reach the mental stage of comprehension?

Having attended thousands of 12-step meetings, and I am a staunch supporter of 12-step programs, or any self-help group for that matter. However, while keeping in mind the many self-help groups and 12-step programs, my focus will be on Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous since they were the first. People helping people without professional intervention has proven beyond a doubt, regardless of skepticism, that the professional community has indeed been awarded with help, because they couldn’t handle it by themselves–this is an unadulterated and indisputable fact. The title of James Hillman and Michael Ventura’s (1992) dialogue, We’ve Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy and the World’s Getting Worse, is a point worth considering.

I believe the concepts of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation apply here. “INTRINSIC MOTIVATION occurs when there is no obvious external reward or ulterior motive behind your actions. (An ulterior motive is one which is over and above the apparent motive…for example an under the table payment for a charitable act.) The activity which is INTRINSICALLY motivated is mainly an end in itself. An action that is ALTRUISTIC is one which shows an unselfish concern for others, obviously with no material or monetary rewarded. Motivation is inner directed. EXTRINSIC MOTIVATION stems from obvious external factors such as pay, grades in school, rewards, obligations, or approval. Most “work” is Extrinsically rewarded. However, it was found that large rewards for tasks done, often caused the person to lose interestin the task, according to research. When youngsters for example, were given large rewards for playing with marker pens, they soon lost interest in playing with them, compared to others who were not! Similar research proved out with college students.” (Making Life Meaningful, p. 5).

We see people coming into 12-step programs who are obviously extrinsically motivated to be there. The court system has sent them, they’re trying to salvage a marriage or a relationship, the doctor tells them “do or die,” and the list goes on. For the most part, these extrinsically motivated people will probably not recover. It is the people that are intrinsically motivated that recover, because the desire to recover comes from within; they’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. Such as myself; I didn’t want to spend anymore time in institutions, I didn’t want to suffer from anymore hangovers, I didn’t want to associate with people I couldn’t trust anymore, nor did I want to chase the bag anymore; therefore, I found the only viable alternative– recovery. During my addiction, I found things outside of myself to be at fault–never within me; for example, I was a bartender in a local biker bar where a lot of drug trafficking took place. On my night off I was there partying, dancing, etc. Two men came in that I had gotten to know over the previous couple of weeks or so, who established themselves as regular customers–we were on first name basis, and they ask me if I could get them some drugs.

I said no, that I wasn’t aware of where there was any. A couple hours later they asked me again, and again I couldn’t help them. About an hour before closing time they ask me again, and this time I was able to get them some. I didn’t even have to leave the bar. These two men were undercover agents. They didn’t bust me on the spot because they didn’t want to blow their cover, but when I came in to work the following Monday, there they were, flashing their badges and asking me if I remembered them. The point I’m making here is my attitude. I felt that I was entrapped; in fact, I fought the case and lost with that as my defense. “It wasn’t my fault, they tricked and badgered me into it.” Furthermore, since I wasn’t actually selling drugs for profit, why should I be convicted for sales? I thought the judicial system really screwed me. It didn’t occur to me that if I had not have sold drugs to undercover cops, I wouldn’t have gone to prison for selling drugs. It now seems so obvious. A clear case of the Pythias Circle. “In the PHYSICAL STAGE (in transpersonal psychology) we mainly are operating under the rules of Classic or Operant Conditioning. We have a vague understanding of the Self, but it is not at all clear. If I am a victim, can do nothing, and I am always frustrated in what I do, why would I think I am a person who can do something? I don’t. If I attempt to bring about change and change does not happen and this frustration is caused by person, place or thing OUTSIDE OF MY CONTROL, why would I feel anything but limited? I don’t. The reason for this, is that my conditioning, which creates habit patterns that repeat “…with monotonous regularity” has no way of changing. The only way to get out of the trap is the motivation to move into the Mental Stage” (Making Sense of Learning and Information Processing, p. 1).

I remember clearly at what point my recovery started, and I subsequently moved into the mental stage of development. After viewing a series of motivational tapes when I was in prison (Breaking Barriers, I began to understand how I was actually responsible for being in prison. I began to understand that literally everything I did, I did voluntarily, and that I had to be accountable for all of my actions. I had to monitor and discipline my thoughts, because I learned that “what we think, we are;” therefore, I didn’t think about the California Country Bar where I used to work, I didn’t think about the people I use to drink and use with, I didn’t think about the alcohol and drugs, and when I did unconsciously start thinking about those things, I would rid myself of them and start thinking of places and people that I did want to be around when I was released. “In the MENTAL STAGE all this can begin to change. When I am REFLECTIVE of my own Behavior, I can SELF-REFLECT as to what is going on. Only when I “Look Inward” and examine my own processes of thinking, believing or behaving is there any possibility for me to DO ANYTHING ABOUT what I am thinking, believing, or my behavior. This is why we call it “THE BIRTH OF THE PERSON.” Previous to this ability to Self-Reflect, we are constantly pointing our fingers at the outside as being the CAUSE or BLAME for all our problems or our difficulties or frustrations. If this is what I do, then by what logic or reasoning do I figure I HAVE ANYTHING WHATEVER TO DO WITH THE SITUATION? If I blame or say something OUTSIDE of myself is the cause or blame, then I have NOTHING TO DO with the outcome, change, difference, one way or another. When I Self-Reflect, USING MY INTELLECTUAL, LEFT BRAIN, MENTAL POWERS OF REASONING then and then alone is there a way out of the trap” (Making Sense of Learning and Information Processing, P. 1).

“Fran Dory, previous executive director of the California Self-Help Center, recalls that when she was organizing groups in New York, a bunch of senior citizens trudged through a swirling blizzard and then, when an elevator failed to function, climbed 14 flights of stairs rather than miss their weekly meeting (Newsweek, p. 54). There’s nothing irrational about this kind of devotion. I know, because when I got out of prison I made three meetings a day. Two months later when I entered the local community college, I still made two meetings a day, and continued to do so for two years.

I believe it has to do with “how we see” the self-help phenomenon: “Of primary importance in the study of any and all ideas is the role of the observer…you and I doing the study. Unless and until we have determined the means by which we comprehend reality, of whatever sort, there is a risk that we omit virtually the most important element of all, in any study of consciousness” (How We See).

Here is an excellent definition of recovery:

The recovery process is developmental. This means that recovery is a process of growth and development that progresses from basic to complex recovery tasks. This progression is from abstinence (learning how to stop using alcohol and/or drugs), to sobriety (learning how to cope with life without alcohol and/or drugs), to comfortable living (learning how to live comfortably while abstinent), to productive living (learning how to build a meaningful sober lifestyle) (Staying Sober, p. 84).

To appropriately explain the self-help process, I’ll start with the twelve steps of recovery:

“Step one–we admitted we were powerless over our addiction- -that our lives had become unmanageable.” The recovery process cannot start until we admit we have a problem and that our lives have indeed become unmanageable. Alcoholism and drug addiction, to many, is a disease that tells us we don’t have a disease. One of the outstanding symptoms is “denial,” so as long as we deny that we have a problem the recovery process is deadlocked. Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of being powerless. This is an awful thing to have to admit to; therefore, our admission of personal powerlessness finally turns out to be a firm bedrock upon which we can lead happy and purposeful lives.

“Step two–came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Some of us won’t believe in God, others can’t, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever that He will perform this miracle. A perfect example is myself. I considered myself an atheist, then my A.A. sponsor ask me if I believed there was some kind of force in the universe other than ourselves. I could accept that there was. I had no idea what it was, but I then started to construct my higher power; thus, it was possible for me to accept help in restoring my sanity from something outside of myself. Some people make the A.A. group their higher power, some people may have to use a light bulb or a tree. The point is, that most people have to recover with something other than self will; however, there are those who recover through spontaneous remission–basically, self will.

“Step three–made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” This step is one of willingness. Like all the remaining steps, this one calls for action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self- will which has always blocked us from bringing a higher power into our lives. After accepting step three we can finally say: “God, (Universe, The Allness, Allah, The Tao, or whatever), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 10).

“Step four–made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” When a store clerk takes an inventory of merchandise, everything is added up, accounted for, and the damaged and/or expired goods are gotten rid of and the remaining goods are organized and stored. The same goes for a personal inventory. We need to find out who we are now that chemical substances is gone from our lives, so we add up the pluses and minuses. Coming to terms and acknowledging the things we’ve done in the past is no easy task; in fact, step four is one that requires continuous work, but we can continue with setting our mind at ease by accepting the good, as well as the bad, about ourselves. We also need to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We need to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction. Without a searching and fearless moral inventory, most of us have found that the faith which really works in daily living is still out of reach. You see, 12-step programs aren’t just a road to abstinence; it’s more of a guide to happy and productive living. Therefore, thoroughness ought to be the key when taking inventory. It is wise to write out questions and answers. It will be an aid to clear thinking and honest appraisal. It will be the first tangible evidence of our complete willingness to move forward.

“Step five–admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” The forth and fifth steps are the biggies because in the forth we had to list everything, but in the fifth we have to share it with another human being, whether it be our sponsor, clergyman, or just a friend. I heard a person at a meeting share once that he knew of a person that went to skid row with a bottle of wine and gave it to one of the wino’s, then sat with him and poured his guts out. After he was finished, he thanked the wino for listening to him and left. A.A. has taught us that we cannot live alone with our problems, secrets, and the character defects which cause or aggravate them. This feeling of being at one with the universe, this emerging from isolation through the open and honest sharing of our burdens of guilt, brings us to a place where we may prepare ourselves for the following steps and a full and meaningful sobriety.

“Step six–were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” It has been said that this is the step that separates the men from the boys. Any person capable of enough willingness and honesty to try repeatedly step six on all his faults–without any reservations whatever–has indeed come a long way spiritually. “Sure, I was beaten, absolutely licked. My own willpower just wouldn’t work on alcohol. Change of scene, the best efforts of family, friends, doctors, and clergymen got no place with my alcoholism. I simply couldn’t stop drinking, and no human being could seem to do the job for me. But when I became willing to clean house and then asked a Higher Power, God as I understood Him, to give me release, my obsession to drink vanished. It was lifted right out of me” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 63). The moment we say, “No, never!” our minds close against a higher power. Delay is dangerous, and rebellion may be fatal, so this is the point at which we abandon limited objectives, and allow our higher power (whatever that may be) to help.

“Step seven–humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” This step specifically concerns itself with humility, for without it we can’t remain abstinent. The seventh step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and the oneness of the universe. It is really saying to us that we now ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings just as we did when we admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, and came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humility could enable us to find the universal spirit by which such a deadly obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result respecting any other problem we could possibly have.

“Step eight–made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” In order to live a happy life of sobriety we need to clear our conscience. We look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault, then make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done. This is a big order. It is a task which we may perform with increasing skill, but never really finish; in fact, it is suggested that we work these steps for the rest of our lives. When I committed myself to a clean and sober life and entered, and started attending 12-step meetings, the process began.

“Step nine–Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Making amends is not saying “I’m sorry” or apologizing. It’s much more than that. If I were to approach someone I had done wrong to in the past, and ask him or her if there was anything I could do to right that wrong, and that person suddenly went off on me, told me where to stick my amends, etc., then I would leave and mark another amends off my list, because it isn’t my job to see to it that my amends are accepted–I fulfilled my personal obligation to make an amends, and what that person does with it is their business. Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not procrastinating because of fear. For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is what step nine is all about.

“Step ten–continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Taking inventories is a continual process–a life-long one, in fact. It’s a good thing, too, because it really helps to figure things out when one writes it down and analyzes it. To just think about it usually isn’t enough. We “constructively criticized” someone who needed it, when our real motive was to win a useless argument. We sometimes hurt those we love because they need to be “taught a lesson,” when we really want to punish them. Learning daily to spot, admit, and correct these flaws is the essence of character- building and good living.

“Step eleven–sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” Personally, I don’t recognize the word “God.” I don’t pray either; however, I believe I have a conscious contact with a universal spirit, which could be interpreted as “God” as I understand him. What this step is saying, is “Thy will, not mine, be done.” It is also suggesting prayer and meditation for those who are open to those mediums.

“Step twelve–having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and/or alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” There is a saying around 12-step programs: “We can’t keep it unless we give it away.” Here we experience the kind of giving that asks no rewards. When a practicing addict or alcoholic is down and out, drunk, hungry, broke, and destitute, and he reaches his or her hand out for help, it’s our duty to help them; not enable, but help. We’ll talk with them–not give them money, offer them food if they’re hungry, offer them our experience, strength, and hope, and try to help them to recover. This is called twelve-step work, and as recovering addicts and alcoholics, we’re obligated to do this any time we are called on to, whether it be in the middle of the night or the middle of the day–within reason of course. There are probably as many definitions of spiritual awakenings as there are people who have them, so there’s really no specific way to define it accept that one has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his resources alone.

“According to Gestalt theory, learning is a cognitive phenomenon. In the learning process, there is a perceptual reorganization of the field. After learning has occurred, one sees the situation in a new light” (Theories and Systems of Psychology, p. 246). Obviously, the 12-step experience has been a learning process for me. It’s also obvious that 12-step groups of other types, and other types of self-help groups are a learning experience for many people. I think it’s wonderful that so many people are finally able to get out of the physical stage of development and enter into the mental stage with the help of this self-help movement.

References

Gorski, Terence T. and Miller, Merlene. (1986). Staying Sober. Independence, MO: Herald House/Independent Press.

Hillman, James and Ventura, Michael. (1993). We’ve Had a Hundred Years of Psycotherapy and the world’s Getting Worse. San Francisco, Harper.

Lundin, Robert W. (1991). Theories and systems of psychology. Lexington, Mass: D.C. Heath.

Nitti, Louis. Transpersonal Psychology. (Unpublished paper).

Nitti, Louis. Making Sense of Learning and Information Processing. (Unpublished paper). Nitti, Louis. Making Life Meaningful.(Unpublished paper).

Wilson, Bill and Smith, Bob. (1976). Alcoholics Anonymous. New York City: A.A. World Services.

Wilson, Bill and Smith, Bob. (1991). Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. New York City: A.A. World Services.

After 40 arrests, five formal probations, four country jail sentences, and a prison term (as a result of chemical dependency), I turned my life around. I was released from prison in Dec 1989, and have been clean and sober since. I started at Barstow College in Feb 1990. Received my AA degree in ‘92 from Barstow College in Barstow, CA; BA in ‘94 from Chapman University in Orange CA; MHS in 98 from National University in San Diego CA, and finished with a Ph.D. from Pacifica Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara, CA in Feb 2004. I have taught as an adjunct instructor for Park University and Barstow College. I can be contacted through my website http://www.ScumbagSewerRats.com

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Self help refers to making improvements to yourself through your own efforts. The main basis for self help is that you can rely on your own self-reliance as well as information or support groups to help you attain a goal or make a change. The term self-help generally refers to help that is obtained without using traditional forms such as therapy or psychiatry.

The self-help industry has grown greatly in the last decade. People have become more open to using books or other sources to help themselves rather than rely on therapy. Also, most people who are receiving psychiatric help or therapy additionally use self-help methods. Many experts have written books that are aimed at helping people in various aspects of their lives.

Self help allows you to have control over the way you make improvements in your life. These improvements may require little work or a lot of effort and time. One of the good things about self-help is that you can control the effort and time that you put into getting a result. You are also in control of examining the results and determining how well you accomplished your goal.

Self-help also takes quite a bit of fortitude and determination. You need to be able to set your goals and make time to take the steps necessary to reach them. The best way to do this is to break down the larger goals into smaller, more manageable goals. Achieving these smaller intermediate steps towards your goal will help keep you focused on attaining your goal. It gives you a sense of accomplishment along the way.

There are many ways to be accountable to yourself for your own self-help goals. One way is by rewarding yourself with something you want when you achieve your goal. Research has shown that rewards are much more effective than punishments. Another way to be accountable is to keep written track of your goal along the way. Writing it down makes any goal seem more real and more authentic. Use a calendar to monitor your progress and to make notes about how things are going.

Since you are in charge of your own help you can make any changes or adjustments along the way as you see fit. Certain things work for some people while they don’t work for others. If you find that you are not making strides towards your changes by using one method you can easily switch to another tactic. In fact, you can re-evaluate your goal along the way and can fine tune it as you see the need. You may realize that your goal is actually something other than what you started with and you can easily change your methods to include a new goal.

Self help can also involve the help of others who are not typically experts. This can include friends and family members or even groups. There are groups available both locally and on line that has members who are all going though similar things to reach specific goals or make certain changes in their lives. These groups often provide the interaction necessary to help you feel you are moving in the right direction.

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